Useless crap I did today

Seriously, will you?

2008-12-10T04:24:04Z

By the by,

did you know that as of today, Chaz and I have been dating for an entire year and a half?

It's almost inconcievable.

In a good way.

This is an interesting one:

-Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle.
-Say the following questions aloud, and press play.
-Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING, you must use the song that comes on.

1. How does the world see me?:
'Vindicated' - Dashboard Confessional

2. Will I have a happy life?:
'Missing the War' - Ben Folds Five (is that good or bad?)

3. What do my friends really think of me?:
'Sinkin' Soon' - Norah Jones

4. Do people secretly lust after me?:
'Ooh' - Scissor Sisters (lol)

5. How can I make myself happy?:
'Decisive Battle' - Nobuo Uematsu (makes sense)

6. What should I do with my life?:
'Stardust' - Mel Torme

7. Will I ever have children?:
'Future Love Paradise' - Seal (damn! Haha.)

8. What is some good advice for me?:
'Sitting, Waiting, Wishing' - Jack Johnson

9. How will I be remembered?:
'Light Up My Room' - Barenaked Ladies (how sweet..)

10. What is my signature dancing song?:
'Swift Horse' - Kow Otani (err...)

11. What do I think my current theme song is?:
'Do you Realize??' - The Flaming Lips (well do you??)

12. What does everyone else think my current theme song is?:
'Universe' - Savage Garden (ha!)

13. What song will play at my funeral?:
'I Believe in a Thing Called Love' - The Darkness (?!)

14. What type of men/women do you like?:
'Ashitaka and San' - Joe Hisaishi (It's true, I do like them)

15. What is my day going to be like?:
'Sunglasses at Night' - Corey Hart

16. Will I ever love again?:
'Welcome to Wonderland' - Squaresoft (good or bad?)

17. What type of sex life do you have?:
'My One and Only Love' - Chris Botti ft. Paula Cole (that sounds much better...)

18. What song would be the title of your own porno movie?:
'Crying in the Chapel' - The Orioels (how dirty...)

You Saved Me

2008-12-10T03:58:24Z

I plan on doing one survey for every post since I'm addicted and I've amassed quite a collection!

Tomorrow I have four final exams! I'm in my senior year at CMU and I only have 2 semesters after this before I head off to grad school. And by head off I mean move somewhere else in town and keep going to CMU. Hahaha I don't really mind though I really like the school and I'm getting to know some professors really well. I would be happy to work for them as TAs, which is what I'm hoping to do.
I want to work as a college professor at a 2 year college. That would be great... I imagine I'll be living downstate with Chaz but you never know where we could end up.
I like to talk a lot about spending the rest of my life with him and I'm working to make that happen but I am also recognizing that things could happen. Because I didn't really do that before and it sort of bit me in the butt.
I don't blame Bobby for dumping me and I think that I will be happier with Chaz anyway, but it really did shake me up a lot because I believed so much that we would be married. I think that, because he moved on a lot earlier than I did, he didn't really see why it bothered me so much. But that's ok, I understand, I am over it now and I am feeling fine about the whole thing. We had a lot of fun together and I got a few trips to California to boot so I really can't complain too much.

I am really sick of dating people far away though. Really. Chaz was talking about Corey and his friend (? New girlfriend? I never know what's going on with Corey because he's been dating a girl for a very long time. Years. But they fight a lot and break up often so I never know what's going on. But I really think it's his new girlfriend. Anyway..) and how they like to hang out and go to movies and such not. I want to do that more than every other weekend! How frustrating, really.
It is. Don't do as I do.

I went over to Shelly's house from Soldan's to finish frosting our cookies with Kate. I like spending time with those guys, but I always feel univited. It's not their fault, I'm just paranoid. I'm going to go over there a lot more to work on Jeff's Christmas present. I think that he would very much like her house...

MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY

Prologue:

Where did you take your default pic for myspace?
I don't really have a myspace anymore...

What exactly are you wearing right now?
My Hey Dude t-shirt and my ancient USA pjimmies

What is your current problem?
I'm a little emotionally unstable. I freak out for little to no reason?

What makes you most happy?
Finding small moments of total contentment

If you could go back in time and change something would you?
No I don't think I would

Name something obvious about you:
I'm insecure

Name something that people might not know about you:
For all my insecurities, I know exactly what I want in life

Name a song your listening to:
'Somersault' by Zero 7

Any celeb you would marry?
Naaaaah..

Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Jason Sugar..? Hahhaa

Do you have a crush on someone?
Of course

Ever sang in front of a large audience?
Many times

What do you usually order from Starbucks?
I don't really like the tea, but I'll get peppermint if they have it. Otherwise hot chocolate. Or nothing because it's totally overrated. Haha.

Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Who?
Not really. I look like me?

Do you still watch kiddy movies or kiddie TV shows?
They're some of my favorites!

Do you speak any other languages?
Erm. Pig Latin?

What magazines do you read?
I used to read EGM but not much else.

Have you ever ridden in a Hummer limo?
Um. No.

Has anyone you've been really close with passed away?
No

Do you ever watch MTV?
Ugh

What's something that really annoys you?
Some people like to make trouble to make trouble. Let it alone friend.

Chapter 1:

Middle name:
Leone

Nickname(s):
Juice, Saria, Owl

Current location:
On my bed

Eye color:
Blue

Chapter 2:

Do you live with your parents:
No

Do you have any siblings:
Erica and Sam

Chapter 3: Favorites

Ice cream flavor:
Something with peanut butter cups

Shampoo/conditioner:
Tea Tree. Though I can't afford it.

Sing in the shower:
Often

Write on your hand:
Rarely

Call people back:
Try to

Believe in love:
Yes

Sleep on a certain side of the bed:
My bed is tiny...

Wear glasses or contacts:
Yup

Have any bad habits:
Nail Biting

Chapter 4:
Have You Ever...

Worn braces:
Yup

Broken a bone:
No

Had stitches:
Twice in my mouth

Taken painkillers:
For pleasure or pain?

Gone SCUBA diving:
One time for a very short amount of time

Been stung by a bee:
Yeah

Slept with your contacts in overnight:
Often

Thrown up in a restaurant:
Nope

Been to overnight camp:
Leadership Camp

Sworn in front of your parents:
Not that I can remember.

Had detention:
Nope

Been called a bitch:
Yeah

Been called a ho?
Not seriously. I think.

Chaper 5:
Who/What was the last...

Person to IM you?
Chaz

Person you kissed:
Chaz

Person to call you:
Chaz

Person you hugged:
Shelly when I left her house

Person you tackled:
Probably Chaz?

Thing you touched:
My hair. I mess with it when it's wet to make it dry faster

Thing you ate:
I made some mashed potatoes out of a box and my grandpa's beef for dinner. Oh and cottage cheese.

Thing you drank:
Sprite

Thing you said:
"Bye Sweetie" to Chaz on the phoneasaurus rex.

Hello.Goodbye

2008-12-05T08:29:34Z

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	8.1
Mind:	7.7
Body:	6.8
Spirit:	7.1
Friends/Family:	6.2
Love:	7.7
Finance:	7.2
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Remember this? Remember me??

It's been a really long time, and if I can remember, I'd like to start writing in my LJ again. I don't think anyone will read it, it's more for personal archives, since I'm sor forgetful.
It's my senior year at CMU, I still love Chaz and I work at Soldan's pet store. Chaz and I are supposed to get married. I know I've said it before but I'm hoping it actually happens this time. I love him.

I just realized as I was skimming the old posts there were a lot of people on here! Jeff, Bobby, J-mu, Alicia, Heidi, Erica, Sam, Eden, Renee.... man....
I think it will just be me now, but that's alright, like I said, it's for me anyway.

It's late now and I think I'm going to bed, but tomorrow's another day and hopefully, another post.

Paris Hilton Strikes Again!

2007-10-25T17:28:17Z

Can I just say really quickly that I watched the trailer for the new Paris Hilton movie, which is called "Repo! The Genetic Opera!" and I would be lying if I said I don't feel like dying now.

Honestly.

I would rather listen to that guy sniffing constantly in my History of the Near East to Alexander class for 3 hours than watch this movie.

But that's just me.

Thoughts?

Mild interjection!
Know what else is sad? She's making a movie/documentary thing about her trip to Rwanda.
Just go and help people, what's wrong with you?

If anyone still reads this, I just wanted you to know that I'm doing alright. Chaz and I are wonderful. I'm going there this weekend. We play Secret of Mana online at night and tell each other how much our geekiness is so hot. Love is sick. =]

However, I'm still sick at heart. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. Being a sociologist is hard on me I think because I have a weak constitution. Learning the plight of the underprivileged and knowing there is almost nothing I can do is taxing.

What if our love is the cost?

2007-07-26T01:23:46Z

Remember that one time when Paris Hilton did all those things that she said she would in jail and made life a better place?

And Lindsey Lohan stayed clean and sober after a rigerous stay in rehab?

I'm so glad they haven't disappointed me.

In other news, I'm pretty good, thanks for asking =]
But I'm freaking out about the move.
DOES THAT SUPRISE YOU???

Spend a moment with Ann Coulter

2007-07-20T14:27:54Z

Today I'm spreading a little bit of political cheer with some Ann Coulter quotes to brighten your day.
If you don't know who Ann Coulter is, she's an intensely right-wing...person. She doesn't do much except talk a lot and write books. Just imagine the nicest person you know... now flip them horribly and graphically inside-out.

DISCLAIMER: In all fairness, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. That doesn't mean that I (and sane people) have to agree.
~~~~

'If I'm going to say anything about John Edwards in the future, I'll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot.'

'These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by griefparrazies. I have never seen people enjoying their husband's deaths so much.' -on 9/11 widows who have been critical of the Bush administration

'We need somebody to put rat poisoning in Justice Stevens' creme brulee. That's just a joke, for you in the media.'

'We should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity.' -- on the Middle East

'I have to say I'm all for public flogging. One type of criminal that a public humiliation might work particularly well with are the juvenile delinquents, a lot of whom consider it a badge of honor to be sent to juvenile detention. And it might not be such a cool thing in the 'hood to be flogged publicly.'

'Even Islamic terrorists don't hate America like liberals do. Even Islamic terrorists don't hate America like liberals do. They don't have the energy. If they had that much energy, they'd have indoor plumbing by now.'

'I think there should be a literacy test and a poll tax for people to vote.'

'I think we had enough laws about the turn-of-the-century. We don't need any more." Asked how far back would she go to repeal laws, she replied, "Well, before the New Deal ... [The Emancipation Proclamation] would be a good start.'

Ann Coulter: I take the biblical idea. God gave us the earth.
Democratic Strategist Peter Fenn: Oh, OK.
Coulter: We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees.
Fenn: This is a great idea.
Coulter: God says, "Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It's yours."
Fenn: Terrific. We're Americans, so we should consume as much of the earth's resources...
Coulter: Yes! Yes.
Fenn: ... as fast as we possibly can.
Coulter: As opposed to living like the Indians.

'Anorexics never have boyfriends. ... That's one way to know you don't have anorexia: if you have a boyfriend.'

'My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building.'

'I think [women] should be armed but should not [be allowed to] vote. No, they all have to give up their vote, not just, you know, the lady clapping and me. The problem with women voting -- and your Communists will back me up on this -- is that, you know, women have no capacity to understand how money is earned. They have a lot of ideas on how to spend it. And when they take these polls, it's always more money on education, more money on child care, more money on day care.'

'You don't want the Republicans in power, does that mean you want a dictatorship, gay boy?' --In response to a student's question: "You don't want the Democrats in power, so does that mean you want a dictatorship?"

'A couple [of] alleged males attempted to sucker punch a 100-pound woman and missed. And they ended up with their faces smashed in and spending the night in the Pima County Jail, where I'm sure — being good liberals — their views on gay marriage will serve them well.'

'When we were fighting communism, OK, they had mass murderers and gulags, but they were white men and they were sane. Now we're up against absolutely insane savages.'

'I would like evolution to join the roster of other discredited religions, like the Cargo Cult of the South Pacific. Practitioners of Cargo Cult believed that manufactured products were created by ancestral spirits, and if they imitated what they had seen the white man do, they could cause airplanes to appear out of the sky, bringing valuable cargo like radios and TVs. So they constructed “airport towers” out of bamboo and “headphones” out of coconuts and waited for the airplanes to come with the cargo. It may sound silly, but in defense of the Cargo Cult, they did not wait as long for evidence supporting their theory as the Darwinists have waited for evidence supporting theirs.'

'I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, but it turns out you have to go into rehab if you use the word "faggot", so I — so kind of an impasse, can't really talk about Edwards.'

'Being nice to people is, in fact, one of the incidental tenets of Christianity (as opposed to other religions whose tenets are more along the lines of 'kill everyone who doesn't smell bad and doesn't answer to the name Mohammed').'

'[Canadians] better hope the United States does not roll over one night and crush them. They are lucky we allow them to exist on the same continent.'

'Six imams removed from a US Airways flight from Minneapolis to Phoenix are calling on Muslims to boycott the airline. If only we could get Muslims to boycott all airlines, we could dispense with airport security altogether.'

Is it just me....

2007-07-16T16:30:33Z

Or is the news very very depressing today?

Honestly!

I know it's not exactly a ray of sunshine through the gloom of the day but it seems that today's broadcast is... ridiculously grim.

For example, take this little nugget of joy:

RENO, Nev. - A couple who authorities say were so obsessed with the Internet and video games that they left their babies starving and suffering other health problems have pleaded guilty to child neglect.

The children of Michael and Iana Straw, a boy age 22 months and a girl age 11 months, were severely malnourished and near death last month when doctors saw them after social workers took them to a hospital, authorities said. Both children are doing well and gaining weight in foster care, prosecutor Kelli Ann Viloria told the Reno Gazette-Journal.

Michael Straw, 25, and Iana Straw, 23, pleaded guilty Friday to two counts each of child neglect. Each faces a maximum 12-year prison sentence.

Viloria said the Reno couple were too distracted by online video games, mainly the fantasy role-playing "Dungeons & Dragons" series, to give their children proper care.

"They had food; they just chose not to give it to their kids because they were too busy playing video games," Viloria told the Reno Gazette-Journal.

Police said hospital staff had to shave the head of the girl because her hair was matted with cat urine. The 10-pound girl also had a mouth infection, dry skin and severe dehydration.

Her brother had to be treated for starvation and a genital infection. His lack of muscle development caused him difficulty in walking, investigators said.

The Straws have been given public defenders. Jeremy Bosler, head of the county public defender's office, declined to comment to The Associated Press on Saturday.

Michael Straw is an unemployed cashier, and his wife worked for a temporary staffing agency doing warehouse work, according to court records. He received a $50,000 inheritance that he spent on computer equipment and a large plasma television, authorities said.

While child abuse because of drug addiction is common, abuse rooted in video game addiction is rare, Viloria said.

Last month, experts at an American Medical Association meeting backed away from a proposal to designate video game addiction as a mental disorder, saying it had to be studied further. Some said the issue is like alcoholism, while others said there was no concrete evidence it's a psychological disease.

Patrick Killen, spokesman for Nevada Child Abuse Prevention, said video game addiction's correlation to child abuse is "a new spin on an old problem."

"As we become more technologically advanced, there's more distractions," Killen said. "It's easy for someone to get addicted to something and neglect their children. Whether it's video games or meth, it's a serious issue, and (we) need to become more aware of it."

Pout pout, whine whine

2007-07-11T12:33:08Z

Yesterday was an honest to God crap-ass day so I hope today is better.

Did you get your free 7-11 slurpie yet??

EDIT:
Yes, my day was crappy, but I could live

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - Mother and son huddled together, battered and beaten, in the bathroom — sobbing, wondering why no one came to help. Surely the neighbors had heard their screams. The walls are thin, the screen doors flimsy in this violence-plagued housing project on the edge of downtown.

For three hours, the pair say, they endured sheer terror as the 35-year-old Haitian immigrant was raped and sodomized by up to 10 masked teenagers and her 12-year-old son was beaten in another room.

Then, mother and son were reunited to endure the unspeakable: At gunpoint, the woman was forced to perform oral sex on the boy, she later told a TV station.

Afterward, they were doused with household cleansers, perhaps in a haphazard attempt to scrub the crime scene, or maybe simply to torture the victims even more. The solutions burned the boy's eyes.

The thugs then fled, taking with them a couple of hundred dollars' worth of cash, jewelry and cell phones.

In the interview with WPTV, the mother described how she and her son sobbed in the bathroom, too shocked to move. Then, in the dark of night, they walked a mile to the hospital because they had no phone to call for help.

Two teenagers — a 14-year-old and a 16-year-old — have been arrested. Eight others are being sought.

Welcome to Dunbar Village, a place residents call hell.

___

"So a lady was raped. Big deal," resident Paticiea Matlock said with disgust. "There's too much other crime happening here."

Built in 1940 to house poor blacks in then-segregated West Palm Beach, Dunbar Village's 226 units sit just blocks from million-dollar condos on the Intracoastal Waterway. Billionaires lounge on beachfront property just a few miles away on Palm Beach.

The public housing project's one- and two-story barracks-style buildings are spread across 17 grassy, tree-lined acres surrounded by an 8-foot iron fence. The average rent is about $150 a month.

Almost 60 percent of the households in the area that includes Dunbar Village were below the poverty level in 2000, according to Census figures. Only 19 percent of the area's residents had high school degrees. About 9 percent of the adults were unemployed, nearly triple the state average.

Teenagers with gold-plated teeth wander the streets. Drug dealers hang out on nearby sidewalks. Trash bin lids are open. Flies hover over dirty diapers. Clothes dry on sagging lines.

Since the June 18 attack, police have increased patrols in the area, blocked off one entrance and will soon install surveillance cameras.

"It took this to make that happen?" Matlock, a 32-year-old single mother of three, snarled.

As in other blighted neighborhoods across the country where criminals seem to have free rein, residents here live in fear. Snitches get stitches, they say. Or worse.

"I try to be in my house no later than 7, and I don't come out," said Citoya Greenwood, 33, who lives in Dunbar with her 4-year-old daughter. "I don't even answer my door anymore." On the Fourth of July, "we didn't know if we was hearing gunshots or fireworks."

___

Avion Lawson, 14, and Nathan Walker, 16, will be charged as adults in the assault and gang rape, prosecutors said. They are jailed without bail.

Lawson's DNA was found in a condom at the crime scene, and he admitted involvement, authorities say. Police say Walker's palm print was discovered inside the home. He denies being there. His attorney says he will plead not guilty. Lawson's public defender did not return telephone messages.

Walker and Lawson did not live at Dunbar but visited often. Lawson stayed with his grandmother there. Walker came to hang out and play basketball. Dunbar has become the place to be for wayward black teens, residents and neighborhood kids say.

Walker and Lawson both grew up mostly fatherless, bouncing between homes. Walker's family sometimes lived in old cars or abandoned houses, said his mother, Ruby Nell Walker.

"We've never really had a real home," said Naporcha Walker, Nathan's 15-year-old sister.

He dropped out of school after spending three years in seventh grade. The family lives on food stamps and recently had to pawn their television and radio, Ruby Walker said.

"I just feel like he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. ... My son is not a rapist," she said.

Ruby Walker said she herself was raped twice, at ages 7 and 12. She said that just days before the Dunbar attack, someone tried to rape her again, and "my son came to me crying and said he wouldn't ever do that to anyone."

She has had her own problems with the law — at least nine arrests on charges such as disorderly conduct, aggravated assault and battery, according to state records.

Avion Lawson was a headstrong kid, never listening to his mother, said his cousin, Cassandra Ellis.

"I knew he was bad, but I never pictured him to be that type of bad," Ellis said. She said one traumatic experience may have scarred him — watching his older sister fatally stab a boyfriend.

"It was an accident. She killed her boyfriend. They was fighting, there was a knife," Ellis said. "He was there when it happened."

___

City officials are quick to note that neither Lawson nor Walker lived at Dunbar, and say they are doing their best to make the place safe.

As quickly as overhead lights can be replaced, they are shot out, so officials are now considering bulletproof lighting.

"Isn't that quite a commentary on what the situation is there?" said City Commissioner Molly Douglas, whose district includes part of Dunbar. "Dunbar Village is a hell hole. They shouldn't have to live in fear."

More officers are hitting the streets, but "I just bow my head sometimes and think we just couldn't possibly have enough officers ever to take care of all of this," Douglas said.

Laurel Robinson, head of the city's housing authority, said that up until about four years ago, the federal government provided the city with $160,000 a year for security in public housing projects, but Congress did away with the money.

"Every family housing project in the country has suffered because of it," she said.

____

The rape victim and her son have not returned to their apartment since the attack.

The woman fled Port-au-Prince, Haiti, with her son seven years ago in search of a better life. With no money, they landed in Dunbar. The two almost instantly became targets for crime, standing out as Haitians among the mostly American-born blacks in the housing project. Her car and the boy's bicycle were stolen. Their house was ransacked.

On the night of the attack, she was lured outside by a teenager who knocked on the door and said her car had a flat. Nine more teens, their faces shrouded with T-shirts, barged in, she told authorities. They brandished guns and demanded money, then went beyond the imaginable.

"I was so scared," the woman told WPTV. "Some of them had sex with me twice, some of them had sex with me three times. They're beating me up. They make me do those things over and over. The man with the big gun, he put the gun inside of me."

She said that when she was forced to perform oral sex on her own son, she told the boy: "I know you love me, and I love you, too."

Investigators say it is not clear exactly why the thugs picked her house.

The boy's sight has returned. Both mother and son are seeking counseling.

"I have to try and talk to him every day. He's so angry," the woman said. "He said we never should have moved to Dunbar Village."

Bitches Love Me

2007-07-09T16:28:15Z

http://www.wwtdd.com/post.phtml?pk=2532

Har har har har....

Seriously you guys...

I killed a man... with this thumb.

2007-07-09T12:14:17Z

A month.

And the ridiculous count down starts anew.

So, how is everyone doing?
Only 3 weeks left. I think July is shaping up to be somewhat interesting.

Lamb to the Slaughter

by ROALD DAHL

The room was warm and clean, the curtains drawn, the two table lamps alight-hers and the one by the empty chair opposite. On the sideboard behind her, two tall glasses, soda water, whiskey. Fresh ice cubes in the Thermos bucket.

Mary Maloney was waiting for her husband to come him from work.

Now and again she would glance up at the clock, but without anxiety, merely to please herself with the thought that each minute gone by made it nearer the time when he would come. There was a slow smiling air about her, and about everything she did. The drop of a head as she bent over her sewing was curiously tranquil. Her skin -for this was her sixth month with child-had acquired a wonderful translucent quality, the mouth was soft, and the eyes, with their new placid look, seemed larger darker than before. When the clock said ten minutes to five, she began to listen, and a few moments later, punctually as always, she heard the tires on the gravel outside, and the car door slamming, the footsteps passing the window, the key turning in the lock. She laid aside her sewing, stood up, and went forward to kiss him as he came in.

“Hullo darling,” she said.

“Hullo darling,” he answered.

She took his coat and hung it in the closer. Then she walked over and made the drinks, a strongish one for him, a weak one for herself; and soon she was back again in her chair with the sewing, and he in the other, opposite, holding the tall glass with both hands, rocking it so the ice cubes tinkled against the side.

For her, this was always a blissful time of day. She knew he didn’t want to speak much until the first drink was finished, and she, on her side, was content to sit quietly, enjoying his company after the long hours alone in the house. She loved to luxuriate in the presence of this man, and to feel-almost as a sunbather feels the sun-that warm male glow that came out of him to her when they were alone together. She loved him for the way he sat loosely in a chair, for the way he came in a door, or moved slowly across the room with long strides. She loved intent, far look in his eyes when they rested in her, the funny shape of the mouth, and especially the way he remained silent about his tiredness, sitting still with himself until the whiskey had taken some of it away.

“Tired darling?”

“Yes,” he said. “I’m tired,” And as he spoke, he did an unusual thing. He lifted his glass and drained it in one swallow although there was still half of it, at least half of it left.. She wasn’t really watching him, but she knew what he had done because she heard the ice cubes falling back against the bottom of the empty glass when he lowered his arm. He paused a moment, leaning forward in the chair, then he got up and went slowly over to fetch himself another.

“I’ll get it!” she cried, jumping up.

“Sit down,” he said.

When he came back, she noticed that the new drink was dark amber with the quantity of whiskey in it.

“Darling, shall I get your slippers?”

“No.”

She watched him as he began to sip the dark yellow drink, and she could see little oily swirls in the liquid because it was so strong.

“I think it’s a shame,” she said, “that when a policeman gets to be as senior as you, they keep him walking about on his feet all day long.”

He didn’t answer, so she bent her head again and went on with her sewing; bet each time he lifted the drink to his lips, she heard the ice cubes clinking against the side of the glass.

“Darling,” she said. “Would you like me to get you some cheese? I haven’t made any supper because it’s Thursday.”

“No,” he said.

“If you’re too tired to eat out,” she went on, “it’s still not too late. There’s plenty of meat and stuff in the freezer, and you can have it right here and not even move out of the chair.”

Her eyes waited on him for an answer, a smile, a little nod, but he made no sign.

“Anyway,” she went on, “I’ll get you some cheese and crackers first.”

“I don’t want it,” he said.

She moved uneasily in her chair, the large eyes still watching his face. “But you must eat! I’ll fix it anyway, and then you can have it or not, as you like.”

She stood up and placed her sewing on the table by the lamp.

“Sit down,” he said. “Just for a minute, sit down.”

It wasn’t till then that she began to get frightened.

“Go on,” he said. “Sit down.”

She lowered herself back slowly into the chair, watching him all the time with those large, bewildered eyes. He had finished the second drink and was staring down into the glass, frowning.

“Listen,” he said. “I’ve got something to tell you.”

“What is it, darling? What’s the matter?”

He had now become absolutely motionless, and he kept his head down so that the light from the lamp beside him fell across the upper part of his face, leaving the chin and mouth in shadow. She noticed there was a little muscle moving near the corner of his left eye.

“This is going to be a bit of a shock to you, I’m afraid,” he said. “But I’ve thought about it a good deal and I’ve decided the only thing to do is tell you right away. I hope you won’t blame me too much.”

And he told her. It didn’t take long, four or five minutes at most, and she say very still through it all, watching him with a kind of dazed horror as he went further and further away from her with each word.

“So there it is,” he added. “And I know it’s kind of a bad time to be telling you, bet there simply wasn’t any other way. Of course I’ll give you money and see you’re looked after. But there needn’t really be any fuss. I hope not anyway. It wouldn’t be very good for my job.”

Her first instinct was not to believe any of it, to reject it all. It occurred to her that perhaps he hadn’t even spoken, that she herself had imagined the whole thing. Maybe, if she went about her business and acted as though she hadn’t been listening, then later, when she sort of woke up again, she might find none of it had ever happened.

“I’ll get the supper,” she managed to whisper, and this time he didn’t stop her.

When she walked across the room she couldn’t feel her feet touching the floor. She couldn’t feel anything at all- except a slight nausea and a desire to vomit. Everything was automatic now-down the steps to the cellar, the light switch, the deep freeze, the hand inside the cabinet taking hold of the first object it met. She lifted it out, and looked at it. It was wrapped in paper, so she took off the paper and looked at it again.

A leg of lamb.

All right then, they would have lamb for supper. She carried it upstairs, holding the thin bone-end of it with both her hands, and as she went through the living-room, she saw him standing over by the window with his back to her, and she stopped.

“For God’s sake,” he said, hearing her, but not turning round. “Don’t make supper for me. I’m going out.”

At that point, Mary Maloney simply walked up behind him and without any pause she swung the big frozen leg of lamb high in the air and brought it down as hard as she could on the back of his head.

She might just as well have hit him with a steel club.

She stepped back a pace, waiting, and the funny thing was that he remained standing there for at least four or five seconds, gently swaying. Then he crashed to the carpet.

The violence of the crash, the noise, the small table overturning, helped bring her out of he shock. She came out slowly, feeling cold and surprised, and she stood for a while blinking at the body, still holding the ridiculous piece of meat tight with both hands.

All right, she told herself. So I’ve killed him.

It was extraordinary, now, how clear her mind became all of a sudden. She began thinking very fast. As the wife of a detective, she knew quite well what the penalty would be. That was fine. It made no difference to her. In fact, it would be a relief. On the other hand, what about the child? What were the laws about murderers with unborn children? Did they kill then both-mother and child? Or did they wait until the tenth month? What did they do?

Mary Maloney didn’t know. And she certainly wasn’t prepared to take a chance.

She carried the meat into the kitchen, placed it in a pan, turned the oven on high, and shoved t inside. Then she washed her hands and ran upstairs to the bedroom. She sat down before the mirror, tidied her hair, touched up her lops and face. She tried a smile. It came out rather peculiar. She tried again.

“Hullo Sam,” she said brightly, aloud.

The voice sounded peculiar too.

“I want some potatoes please, Sam. Yes, and I think a can of peas.”

That was better. Both the smile and the voice were coming out better now. She rehearsed it several times more. Then she ran downstairs, took her coat, went out the back door, down the garden, into the street.

It wasn’t six o’clock yet and the lights were still on in the grocery shop.

“Hullo Sam,” she said brightly, smiling at the man behind the counter.

“Why, good evening, Mrs. Maloney. How’re you?”

“I want some potatoes please, Sam. Yes, and I think a can of peas.”

The man turned and reached up behind him on the shelf for the peas.

“Patrick’s decided he’s tired and doesn’t want to eat out tonight,” she told him. “We usually go out Thursdays, you know, and now he’s caught me without any vegetables in the house.”

“Then how about meat, Mrs. Maloney?”

“No, I’ve got meat, thanks. I got a nice leg of lamb from the freezer.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t know much like cooking it frozen, Sam, but I’m taking a chance on it this time. You think it’ll be all right?”

“Personally,” the grocer said, “I don’t believe it makes any difference. You want these Idaho potatoes?”

“Oh yes, that’ll be fine. Two of those.”

“Anything else?” The grocer cocked his head on one side, looking at her pleasantly. “How about afterwards? What you going to give him for afterwards?”

“Well-what would you suggest, Sam?”

The man glanced around his shop. “How about a nice big slice of cheesecake? I know he likes that.”

“Perfect,” she said. “He loves it.”

And when it was all wrapped and she had paid, she put on her brightest smile and said, “Thank you, Sam. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Mrs. Maloney. And thank you.”

And now, she told herself as she hurried back, all she was doing now, she was returning home to her husband and he was waiting for his supper; and she must cook it good, and make it as tasty as possible because the poor man was tired; and if, when she entered the house, she happened to find anything unusual, or tragic, or terrible, then naturally it would be a shock and she’d become frantic with grief and horror. Mind you, she wasn’t expecting to find anything. She was just going home with the vegetables. Mrs. Patrick Maloney going home with the vegetables on Thursday evening to cook supper for her husband.

That’s the way, she told herself. Do everything right and natural. Keep things absolutely natural and there’ll be no need for any acting at all.

Therefore, when she entered the kitchen by the back door, she was humming a little tune to herself and smiling.

“Patrick!” she called. “How are you, darling?”

She put the parcel down on the table and went through into the living room; and when she saw him lying there on the floor with his legs doubled up and one arm twisted back underneath his body, it really was rather a shock. All the old love and longing for him welled up inside her, and she ran over to him, knelt down beside him, and began to cry her heart out. It was easy. No acting was necessary.

A few minutes later she got up and went to the phone. She know the number of the police station, and when the man at the other end answered, she cried to him, “Quick! Come quick! Patrick’s dead!”

“Who’s speaking?”

“Mrs. Maloney. Mrs. Patrick Maloney.”

“You mean Patrick Maloney’s dead?”

“I think so,” she sobbed. “He’s lying on the floor and I think he’s dead.”

“Be right over,” the man said.

The car came very quickly, and when she opened the front door, two policeman walked in. She know them both-she know nearly all the man at that precinct-and she fell right into a chair, then went over to join the other one, who was called O’Malley, kneeling by the body.

“Is he dead?” she cried.

“I’m afraid he is. What happened?”

Briefly, she told her story about going out to the grocer and coming back to find him on the floor. While she was talking, crying and talking, Noonan discovered a small patch of congealed blood on the dead man’s head. He showed it to O’Malley who got up at once and hurried to the phone.

Soon, other men began to come into the house. First a doctor, then two detectives, one of whom she know by name. Later, a police photographer arrived and took pictures, and a man who know about fingerprints. There was a great deal of whispering and muttering beside the corpse, and the detectives kept asking her a lot of questions. But they always treated her kindly. She told her story again, this time right from the beginning, when Patrick had come in, and she was sewing, and he was tired, so tired he hadn’t wanted to go out for supper. She told how she’d put the meat in the oven-”it’s there now, cooking”- and how she’d slopped out to the grocer for vegetables, and come back to find him lying on the floor.

Which grocer?” one of the detectives asked.

She told him, and he turned and whispered something to the other detective who immediately went outside into the street.

In fifteen minutes he was back with a page of notes, and there was more whispering, and through her sobbing she heard a few of the whispered phrases-”...acted quite normal...very cheerful...wanted to give him a good supper... peas...cheesecake...impossible that she...”

After a while, the photographer and the doctor departed and two other men came in and took the corpse away on a stretcher. Then the fingerprint man went away. The two detectives remained, and so did the two policeman. They were exceptionally nice to her, and Jack Noonan asked if she wouldn’t rather go somewhere else, to her sister’s house perhaps, or to his own wife who would take care of her and put her up for the night.

No, she said. She didn’t feel she could move even a yard at the moment. Would they mind awfully of she stayed just where she was until she felt better. She didn’t feel too good at the moment, she really didn’t.

Then hadn’t she better lie down on the bed? Jack Noonan asked.

No, she said. She’d like to stay right where she was, in this chair. A little later, perhaps, when she felt better, she would move.

So they left her there while they went about their business, searching the house. Occasionally on of the detectives asked her another question. Sometimes Jack Noonan spoke at her gently as he passed by. Her husband, he told her, had been killed by a blow on the back of the head administered with a heavy blunt instrument, almost certainly a large piece of metal. They were looking for the weapon. The murderer may have taken it with him, but on the other hand he may have thrown it away or hidden it somewhere on the premises.

“It’s the old story,” he said. “Get the weapon, and you’ve got the man.”

Later, one of the detectives came up and sat beside her. Did she know, he asked, of anything in the house that could’ve been used as the weapon? Would she mind having a look around to see if anything was missing-a very big spanner, for example, or a heavy metal vase.

They didn’t have any heavy metal vases, she said.

“Or a big spanner?”

She didn’t think they had a big spanner. But there might be some things like that in the garage.

The search went on. She knew that there were other policemen in the garden all around the house. She could hear their footsteps on the gravel outside, and sometimes she saw a flash of a torch through a chink in the curtains. It began to get late, nearly nine she noticed by the clock on the mantle. The four men searching the rooms seemed to be growing weary, a trifle exasperated.

“Jack,” she said, the next tome Sergeant Noonan went by. “Would you mind giving me a drink?”

“Sure I’ll give you a drink. You mean this whiskey?”

“Yes please. But just a small one. It might make me feel better.”

He handed her the glass.

“Why don’t you have one yourself,” she said. “You must be awfully tired. Please do. You’ve been very good to me.”

“Well,” he answered. “It’s not strictly allowed, but I might take just a drop to keep me going.”

One by one the others came in and were persuaded to take a little nip of whiskey. They stood around rather awkwardly with the drinks in their hands, uncomfortable in her presence, trying to say consoling things to her. Sergeant Noonan wandered into the kitchen, come out quickly and said, “Look, Mrs. Maloney. You know that oven of yours is still on, and the meat still inside.”

“Oh dear me!” she cried. “So it is!”

“I better turn it off for you, hadn’t I?”

“Will you do that, Jack. Thank you so much.”

When the sergeant returned the second time, she looked at him with her large, dark tearful eyes. “Jack Noonan,” she said.

“Yes?”

“Would you do me a small favor-you and these others?”

“We can try, Mrs. Maloney.”

“Well,” she said. “Here you all are, and good friends of dear Patrick’s too, and helping to catch the man who killed him. You must be terrible hungry by now because it’s long past your suppertime, and I know Patrick would never forgive me, God bless his soul, if I allowed you to remain in his house without offering you decent hospitality. Why don’t you eat up that lamb that’s in the oven. It’ll be cooked just right by now.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Sergeant Noonan said.

“Please,” she begged. “Please eat it. Personally I couldn’t tough a thing, certainly not what’s been in the house when he was here. But it’s all right for you. It’d be a favor to me if you’d eat it up. Then you can go on with your work again afterwards.”

There was a good deal of hesitating among the four policemen, but they were clearly hungry, and in the end they were persuaded to go into the kitchen and help themselves. The woman stayed where she was, listening to them speaking among themselves, their voices thick and sloppy because their mouths were full of meat.

“Have some more, Charlie?”

“No. Better not finish it.”

“She wants us to finish it. She said so. Be doing her a favor.”

“Okay then. Give me some more.”

“That’s the hell of a big club the gut must’ve used to hit poor Patrick,” one of them was saying. “The doc says his skull was smashed all to pieces just like from a sledgehammer.”

“That’s why it ought to be easy to find.”

“Exactly what I say.”

“Whoever done it, they’re not going to be carrying a thing like that around with them longer than they need.”

One of them belched.

“Personally, I think it’s right here on the premises.”

“Probably right under our very noses. What you think, Jack?”

And in the other room, Mary Maloney began to giggle.

I'm not that fucking wonderful

2007-07-02T12:40:35Z

Went camping this weekend up to Chaz's cabin in Meredith.

I am tired now! Physically. I'm not really all that sleepy. But I went tubing and slept in a tent and watched fireworks and all that cabin-type stuff. I even had a Round Up candy cigarette! Whoa!

Before we left we stopped to Turkey Roost for some lunch and ran into...Erica and my boss. Siiiigh. So we sat down and ate with them. It actually went alright and we got a free lunch! Ha-cha!

His brother, Corey's, friends crack me up. And scare me. Big tough guys both but they like me.... I think. They said that I don't act like a normal chick..yet. Wes called me a shit head and John said he'd break my legs if I hurt Chaz and his friend Robert called us some unintelligable swear word.
Hokay!
But they're cool people and I had a great time =]

I think it's funny that something that someone holds against you is something another person loves.
I don't know if that makes sense but it probably would if I could explain it better...

So you say you're cursed? So what? So's the whole damn world

2007-06-28T16:51:46Z

Egypt outlaws all female circumcision

Egypt on Thursday finally banned all female circumcision, the widely-practised removal of the clitoris which just days ago cost the life of a 12-year-old girl.

Officially the practice, which affects both Muslim and Christian women in Egypt and goes back to the time of the pharoahs, was banned in 1997 but doctors were allowed to operate "in exceptional cases".

On Thursday, Health Minister Hatem al-Gabali decided to ban every doctor and member of the medical profession, in public or private establishments, from carrying out a clitoridectomy, a ministry press official told AFP.

Any circumcision "will be viewed as a violation of the law and all contraventions will be punished," said the official, adding that it was a "permanent ban".

A survey in 2000 said the practice was carried out on 97 percent of the country's women.

In the latest fatality, 12-year-old Bedur Ahmed Shaker was taken by her mother to a private clinic in Minya, a town on the Nile south of Cairo, for the operation. She died before she could be transferred to hospital.

Her mother accused the woman doctor of negligence, charging that her daughter's death was linked to the anaesthetic and not the removal of the clitoris, for which she had paid 50 pounds (nearly nine dollars). Police have arrested both women.
~~~

Egypt is taking the right step.

Just 2500 years too late.

What's so wrong with being happy?

2007-06-28T03:21:15Z

Erica made me a shirt a few days ago.

Isn't it very very cool? =]

I am thee theef of keeses!!

2007-06-25T17:57:31Z

Know what's fun? Running away from the past.
Har har har! x)

But I digress,
tomorrow is Jeffrey's 21st birthday and it is more than a shame and a half that I can't be there to celebrate with him. But we'll do something. Eventually.

I'll bet this week goes by really slow. Know why? Because I have fun plans for the weekend. That's why.
And then I'll feel guilty because I rushed through my week and you shouldn't rush your life away.
But stilllllll.

Going to GLC with Sam and Danielle and then up to Meredith with RazamaChaz.
Sexy times? Survey says yes.

Oh! And I've discovered something significant and life changing!

Eh.. I'll tell ya later =]

I need to go make brownies...

2007-06-24T19:54:24Z

I've got another blog.

A *cooking* blog.

You're welcome to check it out if you'd like =]

http://c0rny.blogspot.com/

Do ya feel hungry? Well do ya, punk?

Is it sad that I am anti-excited about the stupid iPhone?

PS. Friday was fun. Hee hee hee hee heeeeeeeeeeeee.

Know there is no second chance

2007-06-21T17:47:56Z

Today is the summer solstice!

I would highly suggest that you go out for a romp today. At least a small one. Trust me, you'll enjoy it.

Red Lobster with the vivacious Renee last night and Olive Garden with the lovely J-mu tonight!

You don't even *want* to know what I'm doing tomorrow...

He knows your policy right?

2007-06-20T12:18:16Z

I think I'm really crap with helping make people feel better. I have a sneaking suspicion...

I mean, how is it that you go about it! I mean, it means a lot if you care for the person and try to make them feel good, however, it would be swell to know what to say to be honest, but also soothing.

People are trickie dickies, wot?

I actually talked to Bert last night! Alex and J-mu had a bonfire so I made a quick appearance and Bert and I were talking like old times. It was crazy! But sort of nice. Bert is freaking idiot but he still makes me laugh. And I saw DREW! and MITCH!
Aww. High school...

I've got something planned every day until Sunday! Because I'm popular, duh.

I've been doing things lately. That's nice. When I get home, I don't usually just sit on the computer anymore. I read or go for a walk or do some laundry or make some dinner. It's a good thing. I feel better. Physically and mentally.

Free Your Mind

2007-06-15T02:48:20Z

I've been watching a lot of 'Britain's Got Talent'.
Verdict:
Britain has more talent than America.

An Inflateable Bee Trap?

2007-06-14T17:39:02Z

I really wish I could watch videos at work. I want to watch the ones that Jeffrey put up but I cannot! Frustration!
Also, I would like to put up one of my own. Not that I want to copy or anything, but I found a video that I really enjoy and I feel that it should be spread.

Went out for lunch with my coworkers for my birthday. Well, actually it was Jeff, Erica, and a guy that's been helping us out named Zach. I like Zach. He is the first person my age that I've actually sort of gotten to know here. He's a cool guy. We should hang out on weekends.

Just kidding. =]

Excited for this weekend! I hope that lots of fun goes on and whatnot.

Hooplah!

Jeff, when are you next home coming?

The scream of a freshman...

2007-06-12T20:25:18Z

You know what's good? Wal*Mart brand sugar flavored lard.

Yummy.

I would like to go to a Loons game. Really, would someone like to go with me? I had a lot of fun at the last one and I would love to recreate the magic.
Seriously, someone go with me.

I feel better today. That's a good thing for me but I can't say the same about everyone else...

You won't have to strain to look into my eyes

2007-06-11T18:57:53Z

Um.

I suppose this last week has been odd for the simple fact that I have made my own decisions. Usually I tell people and ask of their opinions but everyone is so busy lately I've been on my own. And frankly, for some odd reason, I don't feel like talking to people.

It's not that I don't want to talk to them. It's that... I suppose I feel sort of isolated. And it really is no ones fault. I just feel that way. Admit it, it's really been the craziest summer ever so far. If you tell me it hasn't I'd call you a liar. I've been a snippy bitch. I can't explain.

I like Chaz. I don't know, I just do.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhh

2007-06-07T14:56:41Z

Justice! Where are you?!?

Ahhh there you are. I am sated =]

Sometimes goodbye's the only way

2007-06-07T13:23:00Z

Guess who has a date for Saturday?

Nahahahahhahahaha

I feel so much more sane today. Like I am actually consciously making decisions on my own again instead of letting my life lead itself. It is a greatly comforting feeling.

I wonder why that is hmm? =]

My birthday looms on the horizon! I don't really know what I want to do because some of my friends don't get along??
I really should take a moment to think about this.. I want time to plan..

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuh.
Someone do it for me I feel spectacularly lazy x)

I hope everyone is well. Live it up, okay? Today is the last time you'll see today!

I'll get you Lebron James....

2007-06-04T15:34:54Z

The new public enemy numero uno.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

And it felt great to be a liar

2007-06-01T21:36:42Z

I was glancing through my monthly Consumer Reports magazine when I came across an article about hotel quality. It scored the hotels based on value, service, upkeep, and problems.

Guess which hotel scored last. DEAD last.

If you said Travelodge then you're laughing right now too.